How to Stop Being a Perfectionist: 9 Ways to Let Good Be Good Enough

You rewrite the email four times. You keep polishing the report long after it is good enough. You don’t start the project because you can’t do it perfectly. When you do make a mistake, you replay it for days. Others might see you as reliable and high-achieving, but inside it feels like walking a tightrope, and you never feel finished.

If that sounds like you, you may be a perfectionist. It is common, and often praised, but it can be exhausting. This guide explains what perfectionism is, how it differs from healthy high standards, what research says about its costs, and nine practical ways to stop being a perfectionist, or at least ease its grip.

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a pattern of setting extremely high standards, being harshly self-critical when you fall short, and tying your sense of worth to your performance. It is not simply being conscientious or wanting to do well; it is the pressure and fear that come with it.

Psychologists Paul Hewitt and Gordon Flett describe three forms:

• Self-oriented perfectionism: demanding perfection of yourself
• Other-oriented perfectionism: demanding perfection of others
• Socially prescribed perfectionism: feeling that others expect you to be perfect and will judge you if you are not

The third is particularly linked with distress. Research analysing decades of data has found that perfectionism, especially the sense that others demand perfection, has increased among young people over recent generations, possibly reflecting rising social and academic pressures and social media comparison.

Healthy striving vs unhealthy perfectionism

Not all high standards are harmful. Researchers separate two strands:

	Perfectionistic strivings	Perfectionistic concerns
What it is	Setting high personal standards and working hard towards them	Fear of mistakes, worry about others’ judgement, harsh self-criticism
How it feels	Motivated, determined	Anxious, driven by fear
When you fall short	Disappointed, but you learn and adjust	Ashamed, self-critical, “I’m a failure”
Links	Can be associated with achievement and engagement	Consistently linked with anxiety, depression, burnout and procrastination

Studies suggest that it’s the concerns, the fear of failure and self-criticism, that do most of the harm. The goal isn’t to lower your standards; it is to reduce the fear and rigidity.

Signs of perfectionism

• Setting standards that are impossibly high or shifting the goalposts
• All-or-nothing thinking: “If it’s not perfect, it’s worthless”
• Fear of making mistakes or of being judged
• Procrastinating because you can’t start unless it’s perfect
• Spending hours on minor details
• Difficulty delegating, since no one else will do it “right”
• Finding it hard to celebrate achievements
• Harsh self-criticism after small errors
• Feeling like you’re never good enough
• Avoiding new things where you might not excel
• Being highly critical of others (sometimes)
• Anxiety, tension and exhaustion

Why perfectionism backfires

Perfectionism promises success and safety. In practice:

• It causes procrastination. If a task must be flawless, starting is frightening. See how to stop procrastinating.
• It reduces productivity. Time spent polishing, checking and redoing eats into everything else.
• It increases stress and burnout. Constant pressure is exhausting. See burnout: signs, causes and how to recover.
• It raises the risk of anxiety and depression. Clinical research describes perfectionism as a “transdiagnostic” process, present across many conditions including anxiety, depression, eating disorders and obsessive-compulsive problems.
• It stifles creativity and learning. Fear of mistakes discourages experimenting and taking risks.
• It strains relationships. High expectations of others and fear of judgement can create distance.
• It keeps you stuck. Because success is defined as perfection, it never feels like enough. Compare with imposter syndrome, which often goes hand in hand.

Where does perfectionism come from?

• Early messages: praise for achievement, criticism for mistakes, or love that felt conditional on performance
• Temperament: conscientious, sensitive or anxious personalities
• Cultural and social pressure: competitive schools, workplaces, social media
• Trauma or unpredictability, where control feels like safety
• Low self-esteem: using achievement to prove worth. See low self-esteem: signs, causes and how to improve it.

9 ways to stop being a perfectionist

1. Notice your perfectionist thoughts

Start by catching them. Common ones include:

• “It has to be perfect.”
• “I can’t make any mistakes.”
• “If I don’t do it all, I’ve failed.”
• “What will people think?”

Write them down. Recognising them as thoughts, not truths, is the first step. See how to stop negative self-talk for ways to answer them.

2. Define “good enough” in advance

Perfectionism has no finish line, so create one. Before you start a task, decide:

• What would “good enough” look like?
• Who is it for, and what do they actually need?
• How much time is it worth?

For a low-stakes email, “clear and polite” is enough. For a report, “accurate and organised.” Write it down, and stop when you reach it. Ask: What would 80 percent look like?

3. Set time limits

Perfectionists can work on something forever. Use a timer:

• Give the task a fixed time (for instance, 30 minutes for an email)
• Stop when the time is up
• Move on

Deadlines you set yourself create natural limits and reduce over-polishing.

4. Do experiments in imperfection

Therapists often use “behavioural experiments” to test fears. Try deliberately doing things slightly imperfectly and see what happens:

• Send an email without a third proofread
• Leave the dishes overnight
• Submit work at “good enough”
• Wear something a bit casual
• Share a draft early

Before, write your prediction (“Everyone will judge me”). Afterwards, note what actually happened. Most of the time, the consequences are far smaller than feared. Repeating this weakens the belief that mistakes are catastrophic.

5. Reframe mistakes as information

Mistakes are part of learning, and everyone makes them. When you slip:

• Ask: What can I learn? What would I do differently?
• Distinguish “I made a mistake” from “I am a mistake”
• Remember that most people are far less focused on your errors than you are

Aim for progress, not perfection.

6. Focus on the process, not just the outcome

Perfectionism fixates on results. Shift attention to effort, learning and enjoyment:

• Notice what you enjoyed or learned
• Celebrate steps, not just finishes
• Ask, “Did I do my best with the time and energy I had today?”

7. Be kind to yourself

Perfectionists often speak to themselves in ways they’d never speak to others. Self-compassion doesn’t lower standards; it makes it safer to look at mistakes and try again. Try: “This is hard, and I’m doing my best. It’s okay not to be flawless.” If your inner critic is loud, see quieting the inner critic.

8. Ground your worth beyond achievement

If your value depends on performance, every task feels high-stakes. Widen your sense of self:

• Reconnect with values such as kindness, curiosity and connection
• Invest in relationships and interests that aren’t about achievement
• Remind yourself that people care about you for who you are, not for flawless results

9. Ask for help and delegate

Perfectionists tend to over-control. Practise:

• Delegating tasks and letting others do them in their own way
• Asking for feedback earlier, when it is easier to change
• Accepting help without over-checking

Delegation is a skill, and it frees your time and energy. If saying no is hard, see how to stop being a people pleaser.

A worked example

Suppose you have to write a presentation and keep putting it off.

1. Notice the thought: “It must be flawless or I’ll look stupid.”
2. Define good enough: “Clear, accurate, 12 slides, in a professional layout.”
3. Time limit: two 90-minute sessions.
4. Start messy: a rough outline in 20 minutes.
5. Experiment: share the draft with a colleague and ask for feedback.
6. Reframe: feedback is useful, not a verdict.
7. Stop: when it meets the criteria, you finish.
8. Kindness: “I did a solid job, and there’s always something I could tweak.”

Perfectionism at work, in relationships and parenting

• At work: Prioritise. Not every task deserves the same effort. Ask what matters most, and let smaller things be “good enough.”
• In relationships: Notice unrealistic expectations of yourself or others. Be curious rather than critical. See how to have a difficult conversation.
• In parenting: Aim for “good enough” parenting. Children need warmth and consistency, not perfection; repair matters more than never slipping. See how to stop yelling at your kids.

Common myths about perfectionism

• “It’s just high standards.” High standards are healthy; the fear and self-criticism are the problem.
• “If I lower my standards, I’ll get worse.” Many people perform better once fear eases.
• “It’s a good weakness to have.” In excess, it harms wellbeing and performance.
• “I can’t change; it’s who I am.” Perfectionistic patterns can be changed, especially with practice and support.

When to seek professional help

Perfectionism is common and can be tackled by yourself, but consider talking to a doctor or therapist if:

• it causes persistent anxiety, low mood or exhaustion,
• you can’t finish tasks or begin them because of fear of imperfection,
• it is linked with obsessive checking, rituals or intrusive thoughts,
• you struggle with an eating disorder, body image or extreme dieting or exercise,
• it affects your work, study or relationships,
• you feel hopeless or have thoughts of harming yourself.

Cognitive behavioural therapy for perfectionism has good evidence, and other approaches can help too. If you are in crisis, contact your local emergency number or a crisis line; in the United States you can call or text 988. See our disclaimer for more.

Frequently asked questions

Is perfectionism a mental illness?

No, it is a personality pattern, not a diagnosis. It can, however, be linked with conditions such as anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder and eating disorders.

What causes perfectionism?

Early experiences, temperament, social pressure and low self-esteem often contribute. It usually develops over time.

Is perfectionism always bad?

Striving for excellence can be healthy. The problem is the fear of failure, harsh self-criticism and rigid standards that come with unhealthy perfectionism.

How do I stop being a perfectionist at work?

Define “good enough” before you start, set time limits, prioritise, ask for feedback early and delegate.

Why does perfectionism cause procrastination?

Because starting a task risks producing something imperfect, so avoiding it feels safer in the short term.

Can perfectionism be cured?

It can be significantly reduced with practice, self-compassion and, where needed, therapy. Many people keep high standards while feeling much freer.

The bottom line

Perfectionism promises safety and success, but it often delivers stress and stuckness. You can keep your high standards and let go of the fear: define “good enough”, try small experiments in imperfection, treat mistakes as information and speak to yourself kindly. Pick one low-stakes task this week and finish it at “good enough.” Notice what actually happens. Usually, the world carries on, and you get some of your time and peace back.