Low Self-Esteem: Signs, Causes and How to Improve It

“I’m not good enough.” “Everyone else is better at this.” “Why would anyone want to hear what I think?” If thoughts like these run in the background of your days, you may be living with low self-esteem.

It is one of the most common struggles people bring to therapists, and it is not a fixed trait. This guide explains what self-esteem is, the signs of low self-esteem, where it comes from, how it affects you, and ten practical ways to improve it.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is your overall sense of your own worth: how much you value, respect and accept yourself. It is closely tied to, but not identical with, confidence, which is your belief in your ability to do specific things. You can be confident at work and still have low self-esteem underneath, or feel lovable and yet be unsure of your skills.

Psychologists often describe self-esteem as a general evaluation (“I am a person of value”) rather than a list of achievements. Healthy self-esteem is steady and realistic: you can acknowledge your strengths and flaws, make mistakes without feeling worthless, and accept criticism without falling apart. Low self-esteem is a persistently negative view of yourself.

Signs of low self-esteem

You may recognise several of these:

In your thoughts

• A harsh inner critic: “I’m stupid”, “I always mess up”
• Believing others are better, smarter or more deserving
• Discounting praise and achievements (“It was luck”)
• Focusing on flaws and failures
• Comparing yourself unfavourably to others (see how to stop comparing yourself to others)

In your feelings

• Feeling worthless, ashamed or “not enough”
• Anxiety about being judged or rejected
• Sadness, guilt or emptiness
• Fear of failure or of making mistakes

In your behaviour

• Difficulty saying no or asserting yourself (see how to stop being a people pleaser)
• Avoiding challenges or opportunities
• Perfectionism, or over-working to prove your worth
• Apologising excessively
• Staying in unhealthy relationships or accepting poor treatment
• Neglecting your own needs and health
• Struggling to receive compliments, help or love

Everyone has off days. Low self-esteem is a pattern, present across time and situations.

What causes low self-esteem?

There is rarely a single cause. Research on how self-esteem develops suggests that it tends to rise through adolescence and adulthood on average, but that early experiences and life circumstances shape where each person starts. Common contributors include:

• Early relationships. Growing up with harsh criticism, neglect, high pressure or conditional love (worth depending on performance) can leave lasting doubt.
• Bullying or rejection. Being excluded, teased or mistreated by peers.
• Trauma or abuse.
• Persistent stress or difficult life events: loss, job loss, divorce, illness or long-term difficulties.
• Perfectionism and unrealistic standards.
• Comparison. Social media in particular can amplify it.
• Mental health conditions. Depression and anxiety can lower self-esteem, and low self-esteem can make them more likely.
• Discrimination or social exclusion. Being treated as “less than” can be internalised.
• Personality and temperament. Some people are more self-critical by nature.

None of this means low self-esteem is your fault. It is often a learned pattern, and learned patterns can be unlearned.

Why low self-esteem matters

Low self-esteem is not just unpleasant; it can shape your life.

• Mental health. In a meta-analysis of long-term studies, low self-esteem was found to predict later depression and, to a lesser degree, anxiety, even after accounting for earlier symptoms. That doesn’t prove it causes them, but it is a good reason to take it seriously.
• Relationships. It can lead to people-pleasing, jealousy, difficulty trusting, or tolerating poor treatment.
• Work and study. It may hold you back from opportunities, speaking up or asking for what you deserve.
• Health behaviours. Feeling you don’t matter can make self-care harder.

Healthy versus fragile self-esteem

Not all “high” self-esteem is healthy. Researchers have described contingent self-worth, where your value depends on things like achievement, appearance, approval or being right. When you meet the standard, you feel great; when you don’t, you crash. This kind of self-esteem is fragile and can drive anxiety, defensiveness and burnout.

Stable, unconditional self-worth is different: “I have value whether or not I succeed today.” That steadier foundation is what the following steps aim to build.

10 ways to improve low self-esteem

1. Understand your inner critic

Notice how you talk to yourself. Write down some of your most common thoughts about yourself over a few days. Ask:

• Where did I first hear this?
• Whose voice is it?
• Would I say this to a friend?

The critic often began as protection, but it tends to do more harm than good. Our guide to quieting the inner critic goes deeper.

2. Challenge unhelpful thoughts

Try examining the evidence:

• What is the evidence for and against this thought?
• Is it a fact, or a feeling?
• Am I thinking in all-or-nothing terms?
• What would I say to a friend who thought this?
• What is a more balanced way to see it?

The aim isn’t forced positivity (“I’m amazing!”), which rarely feels believable. It is to move to a more accurate, fairer view: “I made a mistake, and I’m also capable.”

3. Practise self-compassion

Self-compassion means treating yourself with kindness in difficult moments, recognising that struggle and imperfection are part of being human, and holding painful feelings without being swamped. Research finds it is associated with better emotional wellbeing and resilience, and it doesn’t lead to complacency. Try a phrase when you’re struggling: “This is hard. Other people feel this way too. What do I need right now?”

4. Keep a record of strengths and wins

Low self-esteem filters out the good. Counter it by writing down:

• Three things you did well each day, however small
• Compliments and positive feedback
• Times you handled something hard
• Personal qualities you value

Review it when your mind tells you that you are worthless.

5. Set small, achievable goals

Building self-esteem through action works better than trying to think your way into it. Choose small, specific goals you can meet, such as a ten-minute walk, one difficult email or a new skill, and celebrate completing them. Each one is evidence that you can follow through. (See how to build self-confidence through small promises and how to set goals and stick to them.)

6. Be more assertive and set boundaries

Standing up for your needs sends a message to yourself that they matter. Start small: state a preference, decline a request, ask for what you need. See how to set healthy boundaries.

7. Spend time with people who support you

Relationships strongly shape how we see ourselves. Seek out people who are warm, respectful and encouraging, and limit time with those who consistently belittle you. Reconnect with friends or make new ones; see how to make friends as an adult.

8. Look after your body and mind

Basic care supports mood and self-worth:

• Regular sleep, meals and movement
• Time outdoors
• Activities you enjoy or find meaningful
• Limiting alcohol and other substances

Treat yourself as someone worth caring for, even before you feel like it.

9. Focus on your values, not just performance

Ask: What kind of person do I want to be? What matters to me? Acting on your values, such as kindness, honesty or creativity, builds a sense of worth that doesn’t depend on outcomes. It shifts the question from “Am I good enough?” to “Am I living in line with what matters?”

10. Consider talking to someone

If low self-esteem is deep-rooted or is affecting your life, a therapist can help you understand its origins and develop new patterns. Approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy and compassion-focused therapy have helped many people. Asking for help is a sign of self-respect.

A worked example

Suppose you often think “I’m rubbish at my job.”

1. Notice the thought: “I’m rubbish. Everyone else knows what they’re doing.”
2. Examine the evidence: you have positive reviews, a colleague asked for your advice last month, but you also made a mistake last week.
3. Balanced thought: “I made a mistake, as most people do. I’m also competent and still learning.”
4. Self-compassion: “It’s uncomfortable to get things wrong. I can learn from this.”
5. Small action: you ask for feedback on one task.
6. Record: you note the positive parts of the feedback.
7. Support: you tell a trusted colleague how you have been feeling.

Myths about self-esteem

• “Just think positive.” Forced positivity can backfire. Realistic, kind thinking works better.
• “High self-esteem means being arrogant.” Healthy self-esteem is grounded and humble, not boastful.
• “You need to achieve more to feel worthy.” Achievements help, but worth doesn’t have to be earned.
• “It’s fixed.” Self-esteem can change at any age.

When to seek professional help

Consider speaking to a doctor or mental health professional if:

• you feel worthless or hopeless much of the time,
• low self-esteem is affecting your relationships, work or health,
• you experience persistent low mood, anxiety or panic,
• you have a history of trauma or abuse that still affects you,
• you use alcohol, food or other behaviours to cope, or struggle with body image or eating,
• you have thoughts of harming yourself.

Help is available, and self-esteem often improves with support. If you are in crisis, contact your local emergency number or a crisis line; in the United States you can call or text 988. See our disclaimer for more options.

Frequently asked questions

What is the main cause of low self-esteem?

There isn’t a single cause. Early experiences, relationships, life events, stress and mental health all play a part, and they often combine.

Can you fix low self-esteem?

Yes. It tends to improve with consistent practice and support, though progress is gradual and uneven.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

Harsh self-criticism, discounting praise, fear of failure, people-pleasing, comparing yourself to others, avoiding challenges and feeling not good enough.

Is low self-esteem the same as depression?

No, but they are linked. Low self-esteem can increase the risk of depression, and depression can lower self-esteem. If you feel persistently low, speak to a professional.

How long does it take to build self-esteem?

It varies. Many people notice small shifts within weeks of practising kinder self-talk and taking small actions, while deeper change takes months or longer.

The bottom line

Low self-esteem tells you a story about who you are, but it is a story learned over time, and stories can be rewritten. You don’t need to become someone else. You need to start treating the person you already are with the fairness and kindness you would show a friend. Start with one thing this week: notice one harsh thought, and answer it the way a kind friend would.