How to Make Decisions When You're Unsure (and Probably Always Will Be)

Some decisions come with clear answers. Most of the important ones don’t. We’re asked to choose a job, a city, a relationship path, with incomplete information and no guarantee.

Why we stall

Uncertainty feels uncomfortable, so we look for ways to remove it: more research, more opinions, more time. Sometimes that helps. Often it’s a form of postponing the discomfort of committing.

Perfectionism can turn every choice into a test (see how to stop being a perfectionist), and our own mental shortcuts shape more than we think (what is cognitive bias).

A steadier process

1. Name the decision plainly. Write it as a single question.
2. List what matters. What are your values and non-negotiables here? Security? Growth? Time with family?
3. Set constraints. Budget, deadline, what you can’t do.
4. Limit the options. Two or three real choices beat a dozen half-formed ones.
5. Ask about reversibility. Can you change course later? Cheap, reversible decisions deserve less deliberation.
6. Decide by a date. A deadline prevents endless loops.

Clarifying what matters is easier with a wider sense of direction; see how to find your purpose in life.

Why certainty is the wrong target

Waiting until you feel sure assumes that certainty is on its way. For most big choices it never is, because the information you would need only exists after you have lived the outcome.

Psychologist Barry Schwartz and colleagues distinguished two decision styles. Maximisers try to find the best possible option and tend to check every alternative. Satisficers look for an option that is good enough against their criteria and stop there. In a series of studies, maximisers often found better objective outcomes, such as slightly higher salaries, yet reported less satisfaction and more regret. Searching for the perfect answer raised their standards and their doubt together.

Too many options can also backfire. In a well-known set of studies by Sheena Iyengar and Mark Lepper, shoppers offered a very large display of jams were less likely to buy than those offered a small selection. Later analyses have found that this “choice overload” effect is not universal, and it depends on how clear your preferences are and how easy the options are to compare. The practical takeaway is modest but useful: if you feel paralysed, narrowing the field often helps.

Tools for specific kinds of decisions

Sort decisions by reversibility. Some choices are two-way doors: you can try something and walk back through. Others, such as having a child or selling a home, are much harder to undo. Spend your deliberation on the second kind, and move quickly on the first.

Run a pre-mortem. Gary Klein’s technique is to imagine it is a year from now and the decision has gone badly, then write down why. It surfaces risks that optimism hides and lets you plan around them without freezing.

Try the 10-10-10 test. Ask how you will feel about each option in ten minutes, ten months and ten years. It separates short-term discomfort from long-term value.

Use the coin test. Assign each option to a side of a coin, flip it and notice whether you feel relief or disappointment at the result. You do not have to obey the coin; it simply makes a hidden preference visible.

Ask someone who has been there. Not for the answer, but for what they wish they had known. People who have made a similar choice can describe the experience in ways that no list of pros and cons can.

A worked example

Maya has been offered a promotion that means moving to another city. She keeps researching and cannot decide.

1. The question: “Should I accept the promotion in Leeds and move?”
2. What matters: growth, being near her sister, and keeping her savings.
3. Constraints: an answer is due Friday, and the move would be in two months.
4. Options: accept, negotiate remote work two days a week, or decline.
5. Reversibility: moving can be undone with a cost; declining probably cannot be reversed.
6. Pre-mortem: she imagines regretting acceptance because she was lonely, and regretting refusal because she stayed stuck. Loneliness is something she can plan for; stuckness is harder to fix.
7. Decision: she asks to negotiate hybrid work, and decides in advance to accept if they agree.

She still feels some doubt, but she has decided with her values in view, and she knows what she will do if the answer is no.

Common mistakes

• Collecting information as a way of avoiding the choice. After a point, more research adds anxiety, not clarity.
• Treating every decision as permanent. Most can be adjusted later.
• Asking too many people. Conflicting advice can be paralysing, so choose two or three voices you trust.
• Deciding from fear of regret alone. Regret is possible either way; ask what you value.
• Second-guessing immediately. Early doubt is normal and not evidence of a mistake.

Listen to your body, gently

Sometimes a quiet feeling of relief or dread when you imagine each option carries information. Treat it as one input among several, not as an oracle.

After you decide

Give the decision a fair chance before you reassess. Doubt after a choice is normal and doesn’t mean you chose wrongly.

When it feels overwhelming

If decision-making is consistently paralysing or linked to persistent anxiety, consider speaking with a professional. And for big choices, talking with people you trust often brings a clarity that solo thinking can’t.

If the weight of choices keeps piling up, how to stop feeling overwhelmed offers a way to sort it, and how to stop overthinking helps with the loops.

If choosing the first step is the hard part, see how to get out of your comfort zone.

Clear values make choices easier; see how to find your core values.

Frequently asked questions

How do I make a decision when I am unsure?

Name the decision as one question, list what matters most, set constraints, narrow to two or three real options, check how reversible each one is and set a deadline. Then choose and give it a fair trial.

Is it normal to feel anxious about making decisions?

Yes. Uncertainty is uncomfortable for most people, and important decisions carry real stakes. It becomes a problem when it is constant or stops you from acting.

What if I make the wrong decision?

Most decisions can be adjusted. If a choice turns out poorly, you will have learned something, and you can change course. Very few choices are as final as they feel in the moment.

Why can’t I decide even when I have all the information?

Often because the missing piece is not information but acceptance that no option is perfect. A deadline and a clear list of values usually help more than further research.

Should I trust my gut or make a pros and cons list?

Use both. A list organises your thinking, and your emotional reaction to each option adds information the list may miss. Neither is an oracle.

When should I get help with decision-making?

If indecision is constant, causes distress or seems tied to anxiety, perfectionism or depression, a therapist can help. For big life choices, a trusted friend or mentor often brings clarity.

The bottom line

You will rarely feel certain, so the aim is not certainty but a good enough process: name the question, clarify what matters, narrow your options, check reversibility, set a date and decide. Doubt afterwards is normal. Give your choice a fair chance, and adjust if you need to.