How to Accept Compliments Without Deflecting: 7 Simple Habits

Someone says your presentation was excellent, and something in you flinches. “Oh, it was nothing,” you reply. “I just threw it together.” Or you point out what went wrong, return the compliment instantly or change the subject.

If you cannot take a compliment, you are in good company. The reflex to deflect is common, and it says more about how we see ourselves than about the praise.

Why compliments feel uncomfortable

They clash with your self-image

Psychologist William Swann’s work on self-verification suggests people like feedback that confirms how they see themselves, even when that view is negative. If you believe you are mediocre, praise feels like a mismatch, and the mind rejects it. Classic studies found that people with negative self-views were less drawn to partners who saw them positively.

You worry about owing something

Praise can feel like a debt, as though you now have to live up to it or return it. So you push it away.

You fear seeming arrogant

Many people were taught that agreeing with praise is boastful. In reality, saying “thank you” is not claiming superiority; it is acknowledging someone’s kindness.

It feels exposing

Being noticed, even positively, can make you feel seen in a way that feels vulnerable, particularly if you are used to staying in the background.

You do not believe it

If you think “they are only being nice,” praise can feel false, or even suspicious. This links to the pattern in how to overcome an inferiority complex.

What deflecting costs you

When you reject praise, three things happen:

• The giver feels dismissed. Saying “it was nothing” can imply they have poor judgement.
• You miss the boost. Positive feedback is information about your strengths. Deflect it and you never absorb it.
• The habit reinforces itself. Every deflection rehearses the belief that you are not worth praising.

7 habits for accepting compliments

1. Start with “thank you”

It sounds almost too simple, but it is the most graceful response. You do not need to agree, argue or explain. Just receive it.

2. Pause before you respond

Take a breath. The deflection reflex fires in a split second; a short pause gives you room to choose.

3. Add warmth, not self-criticism

Try “thank you, that means a lot” or “thanks, I’m glad it landed.” Skip the “but”: “Thanks, but it could have been better.”

4. Resist the instant return

Returning a compliment (“you too!”) immediately can be a way to avoid the moment. If you want to give one, wait a beat so the first one has time to land.

5. Ask a question if you feel awkward

“Thank you. What stood out for you?” Curiosity turns discomfort into conversation and gives you specific information about your strengths.

6. Write down praise afterwards

Keep a note on your phone of compliments and positive feedback. The mind tends to remember criticism and forget praise, so you may have to record it deliberately. This builds on how to be proud of yourself.

7. Notice your inner reply

What does your inner voice say when someone compliments you? Often it is “they’re just being nice” or “if they knew me.” Catching that voice is the first step to changing it. See how to stop negative self-talk for practical tools.

A note on positive self-statements

It is tempting to fix this by repeating “I am amazing” to yourself. Research by Joanne Wood and colleagues found that for people with low self-esteem, repeating positive affirmations that felt unbelievable actually made them feel worse. It is more effective to start from believable statements, such as “I can accept kindness” or “this person noticed something real,” and to build from there. Self-compassion research points in the same direction: warmth beats forced positivity.

A worked example

Ben is praised by his manager for handling a difficult client call.

• Old reply: “Oh, it was nothing, anyone could have done it.”
• New reply: he pauses, breathes and says, “Thank you, I appreciate that. I was a bit nervous going in.”
• Curiosity: “What worked best, do you think?” His manager says Ben stayed calm and listened well.
• Record: that evening Ben writes it down: “Stayed calm, listened well. Manager noticed.”

Over several weeks, the note grows into a list that Ben can read when his inner critic is loud.

Common mistakes

• Arguing with the compliment. It tells the giver they are wrong.
• Piling on explanations. Over-explaining makes the moment more awkward.
• Treating compliments as favours to repay. Accepting is enough.
• Believing you must feel confident first. Saying thank you comes before the feeling, not after.
• Keeping praise to yourself. Writing it down helps it stick.

When to seek help

Consider talking to a therapist if:

• compliments consistently feel threatening, suspicious or painful,
• you feel unable to believe anything positive about yourself,
• low self-esteem is affecting your relationships or work,
• it is linked to past bullying, criticism or abuse,
• you notice persistent low mood or hopelessness.

Cognitive-behavioural therapy and compassion-focused approaches can help change deep beliefs about your worth. See low self-esteem: signs, causes and how to improve it and our disclaimer.

Frequently asked questions

Why do I feel uncomfortable when people compliment me?

Often because the praise clashes with your self-image, feels exposing or seems undeserved. It is a common reaction.

What should I say when someone compliments me?

“Thank you” is enough. You can add “that means a lot” or ask what they noticed.

Is it arrogant to accept a compliment?

No. Thanking someone is acknowledging their kindness, not claiming superiority.

Why do I deflect compliments?

It is usually a protective habit linked to low self-esteem, fear of seeming boastful or difficulty believing positive feedback.

How can I believe a compliment?

Treat it as information, write it down and look for evidence over time. Belief builds slowly through accumulated proof.

Can low self-esteem make compliments hard to take?

Yes. Research on self-verification suggests people with negative self-views often find positive feedback jarring.

The bottom line

Receiving praise is a skill. Replace “it was nothing” with a simple “thank you,” pause before you respond and write the good feedback down. Each time you let a kind word land, you give yourself a little more evidence that you are worth it.